GetOnTheCouch.com is a relationship site in a broader sense than most others; we do romantic relationships as well as friendships and, sometimes, familial relationships.

A little while back, I wrote an article on the definition of friendship and whether such a concept is as obviously desirable as people assume. I think that if we can see the possible downside of something considered inherently good, perhaps we can see the good side of something we've looked at with disdain--if not fear--for quite some time.

So, I ask this question: What's good about enemies?

Finding the benefits of something as intuitively detrimental as an enemy may seem far-fetched, but it has helped me through life. It might help you, too. So, let's check the following definition, based on the Random House dictionary:

ENEMY:
1. A person who feels hatred for, fosters harmful designs against, or engages in antagonistic activities against another; an adversary or opponent.

2.An armed foe; an opposing military force: The army attacked the enemy at dawn; a hostile nation or state; a citizen of such a state.

3.Enemies, persons, nations, etc., that are hostile to one another: Let's make up and stop being enemies.

4.The Enemy, the Devil; Satan.


What can be good about any of these definitions? What is the bright side of an armed enemy, hatred, or Satan, himself?

The good thing is the challenge.

Think about the term "antagonist" and the associations you have with it. You may not just think about the word "enemy"; you may think about protagonists in books, plays or movies. By association, you may think of a hero or a triumph. If we keep moving in this direction (a very healthy direction, in my opinion), we finally see an enemy as a kind of catalyst for one's greatness.

Without Darth Vader, Luke Skywalker would have been a whiny farm boy. Without the Joker, Batman wouldn't be half the hero he is. Want some real-life examples? What would Michael Jordan be without the New York Knicks, Miami Heat, Utah Jazz or George Karl? Do you want more serious examples? What would America be without the Revolutionary War? What would it be without World War II? Without Satan, Jesus would have had nothing to do. [1]

The Buddha, when talking about his worst earthly enemy, the evil-incarnate Devadatta, had a similar sentiment. He said, "The fact that I have attained impartial and correct enlightenment and can save living beings on a broad scale is all due to Devadatta, who was a good friend."[2] Devadatta's intentions were not at all beneficial, but the effects made the Buddha and his life lessons much stronger.

It would appear that an enemy is a different kind of friend. Whether we are thinking of a co-worker, social acquaintance or--God forbid--a spouse, the actions of an enemy can give us something to triumph over. By successfully meeting a challenge, we may become better workers, performers, friends, helpers--better people, in general.

So next time someone tries to sabotage a dream of yours, smile, thank him or her, and achieve an even greater dream than the one you originally had. If someone tells you that you cannot become a successful lawyer, become a successful partner in your firm. If people laugh at your dream of finishing a marathon, laugh at them as you finish a triathlon. Of course this stuff is easier said than done; that is the point. Channel the emotions felt toward adversaries into motivation and inspiration. You will find that things you once deemed impossible will become quite doable.

My enemies have been my greatest inspirations, my most effective muses. I know I wouldn't be where I am if it weren't for a few Jerk-Weeds in my life who either put me down or specifically said I couldn't accomplish my goals. Thank you, Jerk-Weeds. Thank you for everything.


Notes
[1] According to many, without Satan, WE would have nothing to overcome, nothing to prove our strength and worthiness. Just an observation.

[2] Burton Watson (trans). _The Lotus Sutra and Its Opening and Closing Sutras_. (Tokyo, Japan: Soka Gakkai, 2009), 223.

How do you deal with your enemies?

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Would you date someone who had previously dated one of your friends?

Yes! I'm perfectly happy to date my friend's exes. They're exes for a reason.

No! It's too incestuous. I don't feel comfortable dating a friend's ex.

Maybe Yes: I haven't had the opportunity, but I don't see a problem with it.

Maybe No: I haven't done it, but I don't think I would.