Let's try to break this down, but let's get real: You already know that you're going to get the same response from everyone you tell this information to, whether it be an advice site, friends, etc. And you've been ignoring that advice so far, haven't you? You probably aren't telling family because you know they'll take drastic measures and keep you from seeing your boyfriend. Let's agree that your boyfriend is behaving really badly, and you need to realize that his behavior is not normal. Men act this way towards women when they know that they can get away with it. People wind up in abusive relationships because they've experienced abuse in their past, whether they were the ones abused or they witnessed it and were forced to believe that that's how life is supposed to be. You feel more comfortable with a guy who treats you this way because it's what you know, it's what you feel most comfortable, as strange as that may sound to others who haven't experienced it. The real problem here is that this type of behavior only escalates, and if he's already humiliating you, and now physically abusing you, it's only going to get worse. He's showing you that he's not afraid to show his power in front of friends, which means your group of friends are all weak or afraid of him, so you won't find any safe harbor with them. Why is he doing these things to you? He was taught to hurt the one he loves. You were taught to be hurt by the one you love. Does that sound like romance to you? The only way an abuser knows how to keep you around is to 1. Control you through fear and 2. Alienate you from your friends and family. Does that sound familiar? He apologizes later because he feels guilty, but that is very common in the abuse cycle. Abuse, apologize, calm period, Abuse, apologize, and on and on. And it gets progressively worse and worse. I'm sorry to tell you this but you might not be able to make this relationship work RIGHT NOW. You need to have some space from this guy before he turns into a full-on Lifetime Movie of the Week stalker and takes out all of your front teeth with a baseball bat. (Yes, that happened to a friend of mine. She's young, pretty and she wears false teeth. Sound's nice, doesn't it?) This is a potentially dangerous situation and you need to take care of yourself immediately. People who really love you don't slap you. They don't spit on you. They don't humiliate you. I want you to visit a website called http://www.loveisrespect.org/. You'll be able to chat live with someone 24/7who will listen to your situation and be able to offer you advice to help you to be healthier, happier and safer, and to help you understand what's going on and what you can do to empower yourself. I wish you the best, little sister! Come back and visit this site and let us know how things turn out, so we can put you in our success stories section!

asked in Bad Behavior category on 06/21/2011