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Would you date someone who had previously dated one of your friends?

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JOHNNYWALKER Needs Advice

Posted by JohnnyWalker
Posted on Mar 28, 2010
Last updated 6 minutes ago

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Am I too young to get married?

I'm 18 and my girlfriend is 17. We want to get married right when we graduate from high school. Are we too young to get married? My parents are ok with it but her parents are against it.

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Absolutely 18 is too young. When you get married, you're promising to spend the rest of your life with someone, and for you that's a lot of years still. If you see yourself spending the next fifty or sixty years with this person, what's wrong with waiting a few more years before you make it legal? Spend some time in the "real world"; get used to dealing with things like finances separately and together; learn how to disagree with each other, compromise, and make up. However rough you thought high school was, it's got nothin' on what's coming next.

I know a bunch of people who married their high school sweethearts, and I even know a handful who have been married to those sweethearts for decades. The one constant with all the couples who are still married is that they waited a while after high school before tying the knot. You're going to change a lot over the next four or five years; you're going to figure out a lot more about who you are and what you want from life. It's possible that you and your girlfriend will grow apart, yes, but it's also possible that you'll mature in the same direction and your commitment will deepen.

Marriage is a Big Deal. You and your girlfriend both probably realize this. As such, taking such a big step too early can put too much strain on a relationship that's not ready to weather that kind of stress. Think of your relationship like a tree. A hearty storm might uproot a seedling, but give that seedling a couple of years to put down healthy roots and grow strong and it'll be weathering hurricanes.

Posted by: Lizling on 03/29/2010

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Yes. If you get married at 18, you will regret it for a long time. Most marriages that start so young fail. The numbers are simply against you. You haven't fully developed your personality or sense of identity.

I changed so much between the years of 18 and 30 in my own life and I can tell you that I considered marrying my girlfriend when I was your age. I am so glad I didn't. We would be divorced now and we would hate each other.

We both know that it's unlikely that you will actually take my advice, but at least resist the urge to have a child right away. It will only make things harder. You have your whole life ahead of you, why not just take it slow?

Posted by: LondonPaladin on 03/28/2010

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