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Would you date someone who had previously dated one of your friends?

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ANO1743 Needs Advice

Posted by ano1743
Posted on Apr 07, 2010
Last updated 6 minutes ago

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Mixed Signals from My Ex

My ex recently moved out of state with his new girlfriend. Yet, he still calls me. Which wouldn't be an issue if he wasn't constantly asking me to come visit, even offering to buy my plane ticket. When I try to laugh it off, he just says "you know you love me." Is he just being friendly? Or is it something more?

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This seems...weird is really the best word I have for it. He is absolutely not just "being friendly", though. He clearly wants to rekindle something with you, whether it is a relationship or just a little bit on the side. I would bet money on it being the latter of those. Does his girlfriend know that he does this? Is she aware that he is trying to get his ex to visit and is willing to spend money to have that happen? If not, he's looking at cheating. That is one big trap you want to avoid.

Even more so, "you know you love me" is a bit...that's more arrogant than you should be comfortable dealing with. He's not saying that he misses you or that he wants to see you again. He is implying that you can't operate or live without him. It's less of a "I want to see you" thing as it is a more "I'm doing you a favor" thing. Pass.

Posted by: DrAwesome on 04/09/2010

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You know the term "hedging my bets" don't you? Frequently calling, asking you to visit, offering to buy your ticket, pointing to your feelings... all of this is keeping you on his hook. The LAST thing I would call this behavior is "friendly". Something more? More like, "having my cake and eating it too" if you'll forgive the metaphor... "You know you love me" means he thinks he knows how he can manipulate you, again, not my definition of "friendly", sorry!

Ask yourself these questions: Do you want to share him? Do you want to be his mistress? Is this a role reversal? Did he make a clean break with you before starting up with the new girlfriend? What (if anything) is he telling you about the new girlfriend? That info might give you some idea about what (if anything) he's saying to her about you...

Posted by: alohashanti on 04/07/2010

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