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Would you date someone who had previously dated one of your friends?

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SUNSHINE Needs Advice

Posted by Sunshine
Posted on Apr 07, 2010
Last updated 6 minutes ago

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Tick Tock Baby Clock...Did someone forget to wind mine??

My boyfriend and I are 35 and in a GREAT relationship. All of my friends are married and have kids. We don't have any children nor do we want any. We love to go out to dinner and be able to travel and come and go as we please. Everytime we go out my friends are bugging us about having kids and don't seem to get it that we don't want any. Don't get me wrong I love kids but just don't want to take care of one 24/7. I have a dog that wears me out by the end of the day. Maybe I'm selfish.They all talk about my Biological Clock ticking. Well I think my clock ran out of batteries long ago seeing that I never had the urge to have children yet and can't see it happening anytime soon. Is this normal? Are some people born without a baby clock? Would love to know your thoughts!

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This isn't an issue of normal or not normal. Are you and your boyfriend happy and on the same page? Yes. It's your life together and as long as you two are happy with it, no one else has room to criticize or give a running commentary. I have an aunt who married her husband and never had any kids. They're very much in love, much like newlyweds in fact, and they love to travel and just be together. Unless they're at work, they're together. I asked her once why they didn't have kids (I opened my mouth before I realized this might be a heartbreaking subject for her, luckily it wasn't) and she said they had talked about it but they didn't want to share each other with anyone else. I had never thought about having kids that way, and it made me realize that not everyone who gets married needs to have kids. My aunt and uncle are perfectly happy traveling, they have a beautiful house, a great boat, a great life together on their terms. So, best of luck to you both and have a great time!

Posted by: mgo95062 on 04/09/2010

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While it may not have been the norm for the majority of human history, and it has arguably not been a natural predisposition historically, I would argue that is both a sensible and defensible position to assume relative to our modern society. It is, in fact, the choice I and my husband have made. We don't consider it selfish. We consider it prudent, and we know it is the right choice for us.

Procreation was a species imperative several thousand years ago, but now our planet is so over populated that we are near the point of overtaxing basic sustainability... The state of many cultures and societies is oppressive and impoverished. The relations between countries and religions is insanely hostile and not improving. Greed and cruelty, dishonesty and hostility seem far more prevalent than fairness, kindness, honesty and integrity.

And then, of course there are the hundreds of thousands of children already here, NOT getting even a fraction of what they need to mature into healthy and sane adults. And how about the trafficking of children into sexual slavery? Or an educational system that is NOT evolving in step with human evolution and prefers to drug children rather than accept the challenge to teach them as they need to learn? No thank you.

As my husband and I stabilize financially, we look to a time when perhaps we will have the means to care for a child or young person in need of a family... It won't be this year though, we're barely able to keep our small farm money is so tight...

So, maybe in this day and age some people ARE being born without a baby clock. If you don't feel like something is lacking in your life, I would hope you would simply be okay with who you are! Maybe someday you will change your mind, maybe not. Maybe a child will be thrust upon you unexpectedly and change your life as happened to a friend of mine. She says her adopted daughter grew in her heart instead of under her heart, and she has never regretted for even one moment accepting the gift of that child's presence into her life...

As a species, we don't seem to be very good at simply accepting our differences without making somebody right and somebody wrong. It's a shame. So many judgements and expectations. Too bad we can't simply mature beyond our insecurities and self-consciousness and not feel threatened by the infinite variety of human expression exploding all around us, and celebrate instead of condemn those who would live differently than we would choose... In the end, if you're not enjoying your life what have you got to offer anyone, let alone a child?

Posted by: cgrace on 04/08/2010

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