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Would you date someone who had previously dated one of your friends?

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NJOSEPH Needs Advice

Posted by NJoseph
Posted on May 18, 2010
Last updated 6 minutes ago

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Loving BF turns into a jerk to me around his friends. How do I make him stop?

I have a very loving, attentive boyfriend. When we're alone together, I really think he's a great guy, but in front of some of his friends, not all of them, he makes snide remarks to me and sometimes criticizes me. He says it in a joking way but I know he knows it hurts me feelings. He says he's just being funny. How do i make him stop?

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First off, you shouldn't make anyone do anything or need to any way. A relationship takes countless effort by all parties involved. When a guy is alone with a girl he cares for, he will try his hardest to impress her, which makes sense if you're saying that your boyfriend is so loving and attentive to you when you are alone. This concept works the same with friends. It seems as if he wants to impress all parties in the situation, but you're outnumbered. If he says he's just being funny, ask him if he thinks it's funny that he's hurting your feelings, because it sounds like that's exactly what he's doing, whether he's trying to or not. If he respects and cares for you he'll watch his mouth and if he doesn't, tell him you guess the only time that you two can spend together is when you are both alone, since it is the only situation that you can know for sure he won't disrespect or embarass you in.

Posted by: eunder on 06/09/2010

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First off, it is never, NEVER okay to treat your significant other like crap, whether it’s alone, or in front of friends and family. This is a serious sign of someone who is not truly comfortable with who they are as a person. He needs to work on building up his own self-esteem and not putting so much stock in what his friends think. You need to sit your boyfriend down and explain EXACTLY how it feels when he makes snide comments to you, ESPECIALLY in front of people. Ask him if he respects you, and if he does respect you why on earth would he tell you mean and rude things? Ask him how it would make him feel if you took him to a dinner with your family and/or friends and then proceeded to make fun of things he was insecure about. Ask him if these things that he says about you in front of his friends are so true, why is he with you?

If you do seriously want to try to make things work with this boyfriend, you need to address this issue without actually verbally attacking him. Don't raise your voice, and try to stay calm throughout the whole conversation (regardless of whether he starts to insult you again or not). He has problems with maturity, but that doesn't mean you have to. Talk to him calmly, but don't allow him to weasel out of an answer. Don't ever forget, however, that you deserve much better than how he is treating you, and never for an instant start to believe the things he says when he is being rude to you in front of his friends.

In short, I would let him know that things need to start to change IMMEDIATELY and if they don’t, to start preparing to be single. I would let him know that if he’s embarrassed to have you as a girlfriend to not worry, because that will soon be changed.

Posted by: LoungeChairLinds on 05/20/2010

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Explain to him exactly how it makes you feel and he wouldn't like it if you did that infront of your friends. Plead your case!! Tell him NOT TO DO IT ANYMORE, EVEN IF IT IS JOKES. Its all about respect and tell him you don't feel like your being respected. After you tell him, he's been warned. So if he does it again, punish him. Be the busiest women on earth (for 1-2 days). Men only listen when they know they have too or when you are serious. When you are ready to talk see what he has to say. Hopefully he's sorry and sees how serious you are about this issue.

Posted by: DeLaSoul on 05/18/2010

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