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How to keep my foot out of my mouth on first dates?
I've read that women are impressed when a man is communicative and funny on a first date. I have found that I, more often than not, end up up putting my foot in my mouth when in an attempt to be "communicative and funny" on first dates. I'm just too nervous.The easy thing for me to do is to be shy and stand-offish, but doesn't being that way defeat the entire purpose of a first date (getting to know your date and allowing them to get to know you)?
What would be the best strategy for a guy like me to employ on a first date?
Answers
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At the beginning of the date, it may be helpful to order a drink in order to lower inhibitions. Don't get me wrong--I'm not saying to get drunk or even tipsy, but sometimes one beer is all it takes to settle down and allow your personality to shine.
Also, you can try asking her questions in order to start conversations. Everyone loves talking about themselves, and if you're not "in the hot seat", you can sit back and enjoy listening to her answers.
From my experience as a woman who's with a guy that has "foot in mouth syndrome", it's oftentimes endearing to see that he's trying to really impress, even when the jokes don't land properly. At the least, your date will know that you're trying, which is always flattering for a girl.
There's a reason she said yes to the date in the first place, so try to take a deep breath and be yourself!
Posted by:
stephpotter
on 10/12/2012
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"
My stupid mouth
Has got me in trouble
I said too much again
To a date over dinner yesterday
And I could see
She was offended
She said 'well anyway...'
Just dying for a subject change
Oh, another social casualty
Score one more for me
How could I forget?
Mama said 'think before speaking'
No filter in my head
Oh, what's a boy to do?
"
The preceding was excerpted from John Mayer's song "My Stupid Mouth."
As those lyrics testify, you are not the first fellow to be stricken with the psyche rattling foot-in-mouth disease -- and you will most certainly not be the last.
Now to some advice, because you are, after all, not here to be quoted John Mayer lyrics.
Consider this: Dating is a crap-shoot. The most successful in the dating scene are those with magnetic, outgoing personalities. These people give off lots of information about themselves, and they seem to get a lot of information in return. Their odds of successfully finding a compatible mate are increased by virtue of their ability to efficiently swap deets. Aspire to this.
Would you rather withhold basic information about your personality in an effort to "win" the first date and end up realizing that you and your girlfriend are not compatible several months into a relationship -or- "flunk" the first date, enduring whatever embarrassment that may cause in the short term, thereby saving yourself the future heartache?
If you ever feel that you are being deceitful or deceptive on a first date (or anytime for that matter!) then you can be pretty sure that you are doing the wrong thing. If allowing yourself to take the easy route by being shy and not as outgoing as you think you should feels wrong, it probably is.
Try disarming any tensity your shyness may cause on a first date by being up front. Tell her that you are shy -- and watch her swoon. After all, it is the silent type that the ladies like.
Be yourself, as cliché as that is, and in doing so you will attract the person who is right for you.
Here's something you may also want to try: Instead of going to dinner or to some other place where there is a burden placed on you to carry the conversation, go to a movie. You can learn a lot about another person simply by observing how they behave in a theater, and you can learn even more by comparing their tastes in film with your own.
If she sits stone-faced throughout a film you find utterly hilarious, then she's probably not going to find your Chuck Norris jokes very entertaining either. If your companion considers a cringe-worthy Michael Bay action movie to be "the best movie (she's) ever seen" -- haven't you learned enough already?
Finally, try to keep in mind that the tension we humans experience upon meeting an unfamiliar person is usually released after an hour or two is spent with that person. From a practical psychological perspective, on a first date you and your would-be squeeze should both have let your guards down by the end of a movie -- paving the way for a RELAXED and open discussion on the drive home!
Good luck!
Posted by:
JohnW
on 05/20/2010
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As a woman, I can say that we are impressed by communicative and funny men on first, and second and third..., dates. But we are also impressed by nice manners, clean cars and an offer to pick up the check.
You don't have to go out of your way to be funny or witty. Just see where the conversation takes you. Since it's a first date, it's guaranteed that there will be awkward silences, so don't worry too much about those. And if you end up in a "foot-in-mouth" moment, just stop and say, "I'm sorry. You're just so pretty and smart, I want to impress you." And then move on.
Focus on starting a conversation by asking your date questions about things you may really want to know, such as where she grew up, where her favorite vacation spot is, etc. Then really listen to the answers and make appropriate comments from there. When she asks you a question, answer it honestly. Natural jokes and funny comments can come about organically. As Mark Twain said, "Humor is the good natured side of a truth."
You're gonna be great.
Posted by:
sammyd
on 05/20/2010
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