I guess i should start off with stating that i am a girl. i've been best friends with this girl for nearly two years now. i've had a lot of close friends before but not as close as this. it feels like we've known each other forever. we can and do talk about literally anything for hours on end. we've had conversations lasting 9 hours without running out of things to say. we have ridiculous fun together but we also discuss more serious subjects and have a lot of mutual love and respect for each other.

recently, she broke up with her *boy*friend of several years because they had grown apart and he was more into the relationship than she was. a couple days ago, she told me she had a crush on someone -- a mutual friend of ours who is also a girl. the next day she told me that she and our friend are now "dating". the quotation marks are hers. she says "it's complicated" without going into any more detail than that. i've been sort of jealous of this mutual friend since i met her even before the two of them started "dating" but i've always been able to get past that and be friends with them both.

in the last few days, i've realised if my best friend had said she had a crush on *me*, i'd have been extremely happy and a little relieved because i have always had a little crush on her. i've mentioned that to her but it's always been in sort of a lighthearted way so it's possible she never thought anything of it. now i'm terrified these two will end up getting serious. i don't know if it's because i think i'll feel excluded and i'm being a selfish idiot who just wants what she can't have or if my feelings for my best friend are something more than the case of puppy love i always thought they were.

i don't think of myself as being gay even though my only physical experiences in the past have been with girls. i *am* physically attracted to men but i don't consider myself bisexual or exclusively straight either. i guess you could say "it's complicated". and it's less these days that i'm interested in girls in general and more that i'm interested in this girl in particular. i don't know what to do. i feel like i'm being stupid and i should just suck it up and not say anything because if i do, i'll surely regret it. i want her to be happy, i do! it's just, i want to be happy, too, and i don't know what that entails right now.

what, if anything, should i do?