Question

Would you date someone who had previously dated one of your friends?

View Poll Results

ANONYMOUS Needs Advice

Posted by anonymous
Posted on Jun 08, 2010
Last updated 6 minutes ago

txt answers

video answers

views

votes

Remaining Friends For Guilt?

I ended a near two-year relationship, one that had dissolved for me several months prior. She wanted to remain friends, though I was skeptical it would not work. Sure enough, it turned nasty as soon as she saw me hanging out with other women in a platonic setting, and now we are not on speaking terms.

Jealousy is a friendship killer, but I'm curious how often the "let's still be friends" scenario actually works out for other people, and what are some ways to smooth the transition.

[Flag question]

Answers

rate me

In my experience and to my knowledge, the "let's still be friends" scene usually only works out under a few conditions: 1) when the break-up was completely mutual, and 2) when a proper amount of time has elapsed between the break-up and the aforementioned potential friendship. The best thing for you to do, if you want to salvage any possibility of friendship with your ex, is to give it some time. You both probably have things you need to work out on your own-- even if you don't, she most likely does, because she wasn't the one who ended things. Her ego must be a bit bruised.

There isn't a real way to "smooth the transition" other than giving her time and space to deal with and recover from the break-up. Let her know you want to be friends, but it's going to take a while for you two to separate the idea of friendship from the idea of being a couple. If she actually does want to remain friends, she should respect that.

Posted by: MarieTomtuffy on 06/13/2010

[ Reply | Flag ]

rate me

Often times it's difficult to be friends with a person you have had strong intimate feelings for, especially if the feelings have only recently dissapeared or the other partner won't let go. If you aren't on speaking terms, it's pretty clear you still have feelings for one another, and although they're not positive---they're still there. Usually, breakups aren't mutual and broken hearts can lead to upsetting confrontations that makes friendship difficult.It sounds like her feelings are still involved and she wants to be your friend because she is hoping that it will evolve into something more. Cutting off all lines of communication does work in certain situations, but not if closure hasn't been established. If you both agree to disagree and feel that talking to each other isn't worth the arguing and name calling, then time apart will probably work best for your situation.

Posted by: eunder on 06/09/2010

[ Reply | Flag ]

Answer Question