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DAISY Needs Advice

Posted by daisy
Posted on Jun 14, 2010
Last updated 6 minutes ago

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Distance from bitchy older sisters is messing with my sense of family. Help!

I have several older sisters who are always at odds with each other, creating alliances, a lot of bitching and moaning. I always seem to be the neutral one who is not in a fight with anyone. I want to be able to tell them to call me when they've grown up and stopped this ridiculous behavior (seriously, it is like a reality show sometimes!). I'm nervous that it will cause WW III. What's the best way to go about it? Right now, and for the past few years, I have been keeping myself at a distance...geographically and emotionally. I worry that that plan is screwing up my sense of family.

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In my experience, those who want to change will change, and those who don't will not. On a more positive note, I've found some people change when you least expect it, and that while pushing and prodding doesn't always make a difference, keeping your distance can.

If someone in your family truly loves you, they will value your presence in their lives, and even if they don't always treat you right, they will respect you for your own sense of tact, thoughtful advice, and loving support. If they need something, they will come to you.

Show your support and love by being there for your sisters when they need you, but don't let them walk all over you. The fact that they are older should not mean they treat you with less respect. If they do, call them out on it. But be sweet and patient. If you have to cut them off for a while, do so, but be sure to let them know that you are there for them whenever they need you.

Their sense of need may be what's missing--when they realize that they are the needy ones and you are the one with control, self respect, and self awareness, they may be more ready to admit their wrong and ask you for help and support.

Posted by: mcu29117 on 06/14/2010

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If you miss your family and want to see them more often than none, arrange it so that you can visit each sister individually. Tell each sister how her arguing is tearing your family apart and forcing you to distance yourself from her and your family. Tell them that it is affecting you emotionally and that you don't want to choose sides because you love them all very much. Once they each understand the magnitude of the situation, pick a time where you can all meet to talk about how communication can be improved. Sisterly love is few and far between and you cannot get it just anywhere. It is important to fight for it while you still can.

Posted by: eun57673 on 06/14/2010

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