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Should I ask my friend to stop using me as a cover for her secret boyfriend?
My friend's parents are very strict and won't let her date any guys, so she has a secret boyfriend. Whenever she wants to go out with him, she uses me as a cover and tells her parents that she is coming over to my place or that we are going out somewhere together. I did not mind at first, but I recently went over and my friend's mom asked me how the movie was other night when in fact my friend had gone with her boyfriend and not me. I got all flustered and managed to lie my way out of it, but it made me feel very uncomfortable. I feel bad that my friend has to sneak around and I do want to help her out, but I don't want her parents to find out and then label me as untrustworthy. Should I ask my friend to tone it down or stop using me as part of her excuses altogether?
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rate me
The harsh reality is that by lying for your friend, you have made yourself untrustworthy to her parents... but not to her. You've been placed in a situation where you were forced to choose, and the choice you made tells me that you respect your friend's ability to make good decisions. It seems like you aren't too worried about what she's doing, just that her parents don't know about it.
If I were in your position, I would explain to her that it makes you uncomfortable to bear the responsibility of her choices. It is immature of her to sneak around behind their backs, because some day she'll have to address the issues about which there's a conflict in the family. Using you as a buffer is only going to prolong the confrontation and probably make it worse when it does happen.
The occasional fib is normal, but regular lying is unhealthy and disrespectful. Your friend needs to understand that this is placing you in a bad situation; if something were to happen to her when she was out with this boyfriend, imagine how guilty you would feel and how enraged her parents would be.
Basically, this is a situation you shouldn't be a part of for your own emotional health as well as for safety reasons. Try to be honest with your friend, and explain to her that it's not that you don't want to help her out and let her have fun, but that it's putting too much of a burden on you to do this regularly.
Posted by:
MontrealJulia
on 07/20/2010
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