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Would you date someone who had previously dated one of your friends?

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PETAFAN07 Needs Advice

Posted by petafan07
Posted on Jun 03, 2008
Last updated 6 minutes ago

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No sex at home - Should I have an affair?

I have been married for 3 years and have a beautiful girl whom I adore, but my husband has stopped making love to me for more than 1 year now. I have even suspected him of cheating for the last few months.

I've accepted this state of affairs for the sake of my child's happiness and because my husband and I, despite the lack of physical affection, still enjoy a fairly stable relationship.

But recently, I have met another man. This new friendship served to illustrate the sexual distance that exists in my marriage, as I am highly attracted to this new friend. How exactly do I deal with a situation like this?

My new friend is also in a less than satisfactory marriage. Our relationship is not, at least yet, sexual, and we both have strong reservations about allowing it to become so. I think about him constantly. Please help me!

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It is easier to think of this other person, because it allows you to leave the worries in your mind about your marriage. First, you have a family. This means that rather than thinking of your daughter and husband as separate parts think of the entire picture. Second, it seems as though you need to end this

Posted by: Tiffany1 on 05/06/2009

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Honest and communication are key to any good relationship and before you move to another one, you should talk with your husband. Do you still Love him? If that answer is yes, then anything you do with the other man outside only being friends is wrong. You have to sort out your feelings for your husband BEFORE you move on to another relationshipa and if you still care for him, you have to talk about things. You have questions about him being involved with another woman, but it sounds as though you've never asked him directly. You should do that and then decide if you even want to continue on in your marriage.

If you want to be truly with the other man, he deserves to have you end your marriage first, not just run to his arms for comfort from a Love lost and a marriage that ended. Beginning a new relationship under that sort of black cloud is a fools game, believe me - I've been there!

Ask your husband directly about your thoughts of there being another woman. Based on his answer, make your own decision but make it totally away from the other man and don't involve him in that process. Then if you plan to divorce your husband, be honest and open about it and THEN decide what to do with the other man.

Right now, you're probably seeing the other man that you think of so much as being safe, secure, even exciting. Please remember the vows that you took before God to your husband and if you break it off, do it the right way.

Posted by: Symbiosis on 04/10/2009

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When it comes to sexual appetites, everyone has highs and lows, so to speak. Just because your partner has been sexually distance for quite some time, does not necessarily mean he is cheating on you. He could be tired, he could be stressed or depressed or he could be ill. However, if your gut tells you something is drastically wrong, you should follow your instincts.

That said, embarking on an extra marital affair, is not a good idea. Even if you don't believe it, affairs hurt everyone involved.

Please talk to your husband. If you feel uncomfortable, write him a heartfelt letter. Suggest counseling and if he refuses to go, go alone. Talking to a professional will help.

Good luck!

Posted by: DatingDad on 01/28/2009

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First of all, you should confront your husband about your sex life and your marriage in general. If he is cheating, and you want to stay together for your daughter's sake, maybe an open marriage? Other than that if the dude is cheating, your happiness is what is really important. Your child will be fine. I promise.

Posted by: mobgangsta on 01/07/2009

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Your new "friendship" is a trap. You are already caught in it even though it isn't physical yet. News flash - your most significant erogenous zone is between your ears, not your thighs. If you want this marriage, then you owe it to your marriage to exhaust all avenues to fix it. You can begin the process simply by re-committing yourself to healing the hurts in your marriage and behaving accordingly.

If you don't want this marriage, then you have no right to hold your family hostage to your indecision. Seek professional counseling to minimize the trauma to your daughter and maximize the civility with your husband.

Either way, you can't do anything authentic or meaningful for anyone other than yourself. You only think your daughter doesn't know what's wrong. She does; she just doesn't have the wisdom or words to let you know. Rest assured, it will show up later if you don't wisely address this issue now.

Speaking the truth in love,

meatnotmilk

Posted by: meatnotmilk on 12/10/2008

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Posted by: meatnotmilk on 12/10/2008

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Going into an affair to solve a problem is only going to make matters worse. Maybe there's something going on with your husband that indicates a problem that needs to be addressed. It's time to seek counseling to begin working through the issues that you're dealing with. Try working out your problems instead of finding yourself in more drama. You have to be willing to sit down with your husband to talk about what's going on.

Posted by: AdviceBee on 12/01/2008

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Have you ever even asked him why he doesn't want to make love to you? Have you ever spoken about this? You DO live only once, and you are entitled to personal happiness. BUT, you are wrong to even consider a relationship with someone else until you resolve the one you are "committed" to.

You have to talk, until there are no more words. Your husband deserves to know from your mouth how you are feeling. Once you can say you have done all you could have done, then and only then can you make the move to this new man.

A fairly stable relationship will teach your child nothing more than it is acceptable to avoid dealing with real life issues that affect the happiness and health of your entire family; is that something you can live with?

Good luck, I know how hard this will be for you.

Posted by: wutusaygoes on 11/25/2008

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Are you gonna start up with another guy on the basis of 'thinking' your guy is cheating on you? What if he ins't and then you'll be the first to mess around in the marriage?
Sounds like a lot of this is coming from your side, girlfriend. snd the tools are there to do the right thing. You still enjoy a stable relationship with your husband -- sounds worth keeping. Fix it, don't be the first to f*** it up.

Posted by: Bills Cat on 10/05/2008

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How many times do you live? That's right, ONCE! Most likely, everyone else will tell you that cheating is wrong. So, I'm going to take a stance on this one and tell you, first hand, that cheating is not the end of the world. I think you should do it. I got married when I was 17, due to pregnancy, and we got married because it was best for our child. We have a decent marriage, but I fool around on the side. I think my husband is aware, but I'm certain he cheats on me also. My thinking is that it's not a big deal as long as the marriage can survive.

Posted by: sassygirl on 06/03/2008

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A close friend of mine is in the same situation. You need marriage counseling now or your marriage will end. You cannot have a marriage without sex, as you see it will cause you to seek out another partner. Do not stay together for your child, your daughter will figure it out in a few years. If you are serious about saving your marriage, do not pursue this affair. If you think the marriage is going to end anyway, do the right thing and end it first. Otherwise your new relationship is doomed.

Posted by: weiskyle on 06/03/2008

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