Not only did I make fun of my friends when they dated weird people, I kind of liked it. My non-serious dating days were full of criticisms and judgments about the choices my friends would make about who to go out with and bring to parties. When some of them actually married their significant weirdos, I shook my head while wearing the kind of grin one would wear while watching someone make a fool of himself on a reality television show. Then, inevitably, it happened to me.
 
I met her at a party that a friend of a friend threw on a random weekend in Spring. She was very attractive, very smart and pretty funny. We hit it off right away.
 
We went out on a few dates, and I was so smitten by her aforementioned qualities that I gladly and quite involuntarily put my undivided focus on them. We did everything together, and I could do anything with her because I knew she'd apply her charm and humor to every situation (and look hot while doing it). I took her to meet my parents (hers are flying in next month), we spent long weekends in Vermont together, and we often said the "L" word while longingly looking into each other's eyes. It was awesome.
 
However, when my friends and family started to realize just how serious I was about her, some of them (especially the ones I criticized for their love interests) started to point some things out in ways that ranged from giddy to vengeful .
 
Her attire: every article of clothing she owns had polka dots on them. I guess it didn't consciously register that fact.
 
Her dinner habits: she talks to her food. I mean, she names every dish and tells it how delicious it is as she eats it.
 
Her pet peeves: she storms out of the room whenever someone brings up the New York Yankees. She never explains why.
 
Her sensitivity: She acts like any kind of anger in her immediate vicinity is addressed toward her. A friend reminded me of the one time he met her. He complained about the weather while looking up at storm clouds ready to unleash a downpour and she snapped at him that "she couldn't help it!" He never hung out with us again.
 
Other miscellaneous observations from my friends and family:
 
She hates Ohio and, by association, the letter "O." She just hates it.
 
She has this weird thing where she has to bug her eyes out before taking a drink. She keeps doing it until she apparently bugs them out just right. Only then can she drink.
 
 
During sex, she would chomp her teeth together in lieu of moaning. It was like there was a woodpecker in the room every time we made love.
 
I didn't let any of this get to me; I wasn't going to leave her if you put a gun to my head. However, I did feel foolish about my past criticisms toward friends who dated people who were nowhere near as weird as my girl. Because of this, I've lost a lot of respect among my friends and am the butt of every joke they tell. I don't care, but my life would be a lot easier if I would have just kept my mouth shut.
 
So heed my warning. You may not have a significant other as weird as mine, but as long as there's a possibility that you might fall in love with a wack job, let your friends date who they will, feel happy for them, and keep your criticisms to yourself.

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