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How to Avoid Unwanted Wedding Guests
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Asked
Jun 14 2010
My fiance just informed me that she has invited two of her ex boyfriends to our wedding (one of whom she has been engaged to before). I am extremely uncomfortable with the situation. I do not get along with one of the guys and I honestly think the other one wants to skin me alive. I know it's her big day too and I don't want to mess anything up for her. Should I just suck it up and not say anything for her sake? How do I tell her I don't want them there without asking for an argument?
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Answered
Jun 14 2010
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Rating: 3.7/5 | 11 votes
That's just all wrong. She "informed" you??? She is inviting two ex-boyfriends/fiance??? It doesn't sound like she cares much about how you feel or what you want. Her need and unilateral decision to invite these two wreaks of some serious neurosis. A happy bride wants only to be wanted by one man at her wedding...not three men. And then there is the question of your physical (and emotional) safety if one of them is possibly aggressive towards you. You shouldn't need security at your wedding unless you're Brad Pitt.
She is clearly the one who is asking for an argument. And, by no means should you give it to her. This is as good a time as any to practice calm, clear, honest communication...the kind that makes a marriage work and makes a marrriage last. If you put up with this kind of behavior from her in regards to planning your wedding, then imagine what she'll assume she can get away with in your marriage.
Approach it as calmly and as simply as you can. Tell her how you feel. Her reaction will tell you a lot about who you are about to marry, which in turn, may tell you if she is the right one for you. If the outcome is that only one of them is coming to the wedding...that is still not good. Be strong, be straighforward...be treated as you would treat her.
She is clearly the one who is asking for an argument. And, by no means should you give it to her. This is as good a time as any to practice calm, clear, honest communication...the kind that makes a marriage work and makes a marrriage last. If you put up with this kind of behavior from her in regards to planning your wedding, then imagine what she'll assume she can get away with in your marriage.
Approach it as calmly and as simply as you can. Tell her how you feel. Her reaction will tell you a lot about who you are about to marry, which in turn, may tell you if she is the right one for you. If the outcome is that only one of them is coming to the wedding...that is still not good. Be strong, be straighforward...be treated as you would treat her.
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Jun 14 2010
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Rating: 3.6/5 | 13 votes
I feel your pain. Most of my unwanted guests were due to my relatives or in-laws inviting certain people, not due to my fiancé. However, the problem is common to all.
You should talk to your bride. As a woman, I can imagine she may be hurt or angry about this, but she should know now exactly how you feel about these men because if give your approval now she may expect your approval later at future events, parties, or even invitations to dinner. However, please, please, use all care and caution, and make sure that you stress your love for her above all else.
If you are afraid that she won't understand, try to put it into terms she will understand. Ask her how she would feel if you had invited old girlfriends or previous fiancées.
Sometimes I struggle to understand my husband's jealousy of some male friends of mine, but I never ever struggle to understand my own jealousy of certain female friends of his. I am trying to learn to compare these two situations so that I can better understand my husband's feelings and respect them.
All you can do is tell her how you feel and ask her if she will reconsider. If she still really, really wants them there, my honest advice is to let her invite them. If you love her with your whole heart, despite mistakes and flaws, now is the time to start giving for her sake.
You should talk to your bride. As a woman, I can imagine she may be hurt or angry about this, but she should know now exactly how you feel about these men because if give your approval now she may expect your approval later at future events, parties, or even invitations to dinner. However, please, please, use all care and caution, and make sure that you stress your love for her above all else.
If you are afraid that she won't understand, try to put it into terms she will understand. Ask her how she would feel if you had invited old girlfriends or previous fiancées.
Sometimes I struggle to understand my husband's jealousy of some male friends of mine, but I never ever struggle to understand my own jealousy of certain female friends of his. I am trying to learn to compare these two situations so that I can better understand my husband's feelings and respect them.
All you can do is tell her how you feel and ask her if she will reconsider. If she still really, really wants them there, my honest advice is to let her invite them. If you love her with your whole heart, despite mistakes and flaws, now is the time to start giving for her sake.
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