Asked

Jul 20 2009

Female

Thanks to a lot of dedication, patience and grueling work, I have lost a significant amount of weight during the last year, and am finally at a really healthy place in my life where I feel, and look quite amazing again! Things in my life have taken such a great turn for the better, and the positivity in my life is blooming more and more each day. With all of these changes, I have been giving every aspect of my life a re-evaluation in terms of how they effect me, my health and my goals in life, one of these being my relationship with my boyfriend of four years. Now that I have completely turned my life around, and in most modesty, have become far more attractive, I feel as though I can climb the ladder a little bit and be with someone who shares my new zest for life, not to mention some equality in our physical appearance. My boyfriend is a decent looking guy, but every time we're together, I can see people telling those beside them under their breath that she's too good for him, or wow, he must be loaded. Is it shallow of me to drop my boyfriend because I don't think he can match me in the physical domain, or is it a natural selection thing, where the better evolved you become, the better your survival. That's the thing, I have evolved and he hasn't. How do i let him down gently while explaining the situation to him to keep my integrity and honesty in tune? Or, is it better to flat out lie about my feelings in order to spare his?

anonymous post in Committed

Answered

Jul 26 2009

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Answered

Jul 20 2009

Wait, didn't you just post yesterday about how your boyfriend (of 7 years) was too perfect for you to take it any more?

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Answered

Jul 20 2009

You've worked very hard for a very long time to get to a place in your life where you're happy and comfortable with yourself. If you're boyfriend isn't contributing to your happiness anymore, it is time to let him go. But let him go because you need to, not because you don't like other people whispering about you two. If you've outgrown him, or "out-evolved" him, you need to find someone who can keep up with you.



I never advise people to flat out lie, but I do advise you to bend the truth a little. You don't need to state that you think that the differences in your physical appearance are hindering your relationship. If he's smart he'll probably pick up on that on his own. You should talk to him more about how you've changed on the inside - your re-evaluation of yourself and your life, your new goals, your new "zest for life" as you put it. No one can blame you for wanting more rewards out of life. Find a middle ground between explaining the situation fully and sparing his feelings - no one likes to hear they don't "match in the physical domain".

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I need some advice. Been married for a few years (2nd time for her - 1st for me) I accepted her kids and her life before me -and we created a life together. I have caught her in lies, and she has cheated on me. I love her with all my heart, and my reaction often is - i am leaving. I don't think i want to leave - but i don't know what else to do? Our styles of parenting often clash (they are teena... read more