Asked

Aug 2 2009

Female

I'm getting married in a few months to a wonderful guy. But I just met a girl in a bar a few weeks ago and can't stop thinking about her. We've been meeting on the sly and one thing led to another - first making out, then full on sex. Does this mean I'm gay now? I just don't see how I can continue to be the prospective bride, but the wedding was a massive affair to plan and both his and my families will be upset and shocked. I thought I had this life all planned out, and I sure didn't see this coming. She doesn't want a serious relationship, just fun. So do I throw everything away for a good time that may end shortly?

anonymous post in Engaged

Answered

Sep 1 2009

Getting married is a scary thought sometimes because it really puts into perspective that you will share the rest of your life with one person. It sounds like you have cold feet and are trying to release your anxiety with the same sex, knowing unconsciously that this will have no harm because it feels less like cheating. I would think that if you were actually gay, you would know that by now, don't you!!?? You need to pull yourself together before its too late!

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Answered

Aug 28 2009

All judging aside - i believe that in planning a wedding and all the implications of the 'future' in the horizon - you might have unconsciously wanted this. It is clear to you that she only wants a good time. It is also clear that you have been lying to yourself and to your fiance. Big affair or not - you have to be honest. How unfair it would be to go through with the wedding - and down the road realise that indeed you have feelings for the same sex? How fair would it be to your future husband not to know this about you? If its just experimenting - that's one thing - but if you have genuine feelings for another human being - and you're not being honest - that is not fair. To anyone.

I believe you should be honest with him and her. But mostly to yourself. What do you want - and shouldn't you have figured that out before you started planning an elaborate wedding? Theoretically speaking - lets say you get married - have kids - live 'the life you've been dreaming of' -and then 5 years down the road you realise this isn't for you.....what happens to the kids involved - and your husband and family and friends?

Seriously sit down and decide what you want BEFORE you take that leap. Marriage is supposed to be forever - although in this day and age i think people worry more about THE BIG day than the future and all the implications of marriage and a life together.

As for throwing away - didn't you partially do that when you decided to be intimate with someone other than your soon to be husband? Let me know how you make out.

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Answered

Aug 9 2009

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Answered

Aug 2 2009

I feel sorry for your fiance'. He must be so excited to get married and here you are two-timing. Maybe you feel conflicted but does that give you the right to pretend everything is normal when it's not? Cheating is lying, not only to him but to yourself. You owe it to him to call off the wedding. I don't know if you're gay or bi, but it seems that you should discover who or what it is you really want in a relationship. That takes time, not just the few months until your wedding.

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I need some advice. Been married for a few years (2nd time for her - 1st for me) I accepted her kids and her life before me -and we created a life together. I have caught her in lies, and she has cheated on me. I love her with all my heart, and my reaction often is - i am leaving. I don't think i want to leave - but i don't know what else to do? Our styles of parenting often clash (they are teena... read more