Asked

Dec 27 2009

Female

Why do some single guys feel uncomfortable when partying with couples? Is it pure jealousy that everybody has a partner or does it hurt their ego?

by anubhav in Single

Answered

Jan 10 2010

In my opinion, jealousy and ego don't necessarily play into why this situation makes single guys uncomfortable. I'm sure that these are factors with some guys, but if I were to speak about what I thought the MAJORITY of single guys felt around couples, I would go another direction.

There are a lot of factors. First, of course, is the single guy's relationship with the couples in question. For the sake of my argument, I'll assume that the guy has been invited by another guy to party with his girlfriend and some other couples. In this situation, the single guy's relationship with his friends significant other is important. If I've gotten to know this woman on a personal level and perhaps even beyond the context of "my friend's girlfriend," then I'm more apt to feel comfortable around them. But if I am yet to get to know this woman, then I know there will be a separation in my friends mind where he thinks at times "I need to tend to my buddy" and "I need to tend to my girlfriend." The single guy becomes a separate entity in his friends mind which makes said single guy uncomfortable.

There is also the activity at hand. If I'm a single guy hanging with three other couples and somebody says "Hey let's do X,Y, or Z" and that activity requires breaking up into teams, then, just like in my example above, you've been reminded that you're on a separate plane from the rest of the group.

There's a matter of logistics at play here as well. If this is a party with many people, say a cocktail party of fifty or so people, and the single tags along with his buddy and his girlfriend. The "buddy" in this example is obviously going to spend more time with his girlfriend than with his friend, meaning that the single knows he's on his own for most of the night. Anybody who knows that they're going to get left on their own is naturally going to feel uncomfortable, and the cause of this doesn't even have to be attending the party with a couple. Whatever the reason, this feeling of disertion is unpleasant.

There's also a stigma that goes with hanging with a couple, and that stigma in no way needs to be perpetrated by reality. If someone is invited to hang out with a couple or couples, it's hard to avoid the initial thought that you're going to be doing "couple things." That event could be anything from going to a ballgame to watching a movie to playing pictionary and drinking red wine, there's something natural in the subconscious that says to a guy, "Ugh, couples." It's not fair, but that doesn't mean it's not there.

Those are just my thoughts. I could go on for days...but I won't.

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Answered

Dec 30 2009

Because being with couples is the most blatant, painful reminder that you're single! And we've all been there.
How can we help them? By including them, not doing activities that involves teaming up with a significant other, by not showing constant PDA's, by making him feel like he's hanging out with a group of friends, rather than couples and him.

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Answered

Dec 29 2009

I think some single guys feel uncomfortable partying with couples because they feel like they are the "third wheel" and a little out of place. I think they want to feel loved too and in a relationship, but a good relationship, otherwise they would rather stay single.

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Answered

Dec 27 2009

I think there is a cultural aspect involved here. In lots of places, women dont party alone or without their "partners". So the issue of guys being single and without a partner to dance with is a cultural thing.

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