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Top 5: Double Dating

by Ryan

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I have been on my share of double dates. In fact, if there could be such thing as a professional double dater, I may be it. Pre and Post wedding, I have been frequently accompanied by my wife and some couple she and/or I like enough to spend an evening with. These dates are usually quite pleasant, a social marker of maturity and good fun. However, like any other situation, there is always a potential for a bit of trouble. Guys tend to learn this the hard way, while women, somehow, are already aware of the rules. Guys, if this double dating thing is new to you, heed the following advice.

1
Pick a comfortable venue
If you and your significant other are into the church picnic, but the other couple are swingers, there could be a difference of opinion about where to hang out for the double date. Many people think that having one couple host the evening in their home is a good idea, but I advise against this, at least for the first couple of outings. Things could get too comfortable for the hosting couple and too foreign for the visiting couple (especially given the aforementioned double date scenario). Pick a place that, for lack of a better term, would be considered "neutral." Nobody has home field advantage and everyone is on a level status. If all goes well here, you could have a church picnic/swingers night, as weird as that feels to think about.

2
Get along well with your counterpart
There is an old and respected rule that birds of a feather should flock together. Well, double dating is not exempt from that law. The guys must click with the guys, and the girls must click with the girls. Tension between the counterparts on a double date could be disastrous because one's spouse may not know the man or woman protocol necessary to officially "get along." Not to be stereotypical, but the only way my wife knows how to talk about sports is by critiquing each team's outfits. All I know about celebrity couples that my wife reads about in gossip magazines is absolutely nothing. There is only so much talk about one's job, hometown, etc before a strange, platonic guy and girl get caught up in their differences perception. Don't get me wrong. It is good to get along with the "opposite" role within the other couple, but make sure you can get along with your counterpart.

3
Do not get along too well with the other woman
The fact that there is a disparity in perception between man and woman, on a social level, means that when a man and woman do get along, there might be more there than an obligation for polite conversation. That is why it is good to get along well with the other woman, but bad to get along too well with her. You do not want her husband and your wife to wonder if they just witnessed the spark of new extramarital affair, as ridiculous as that may be to you. You don't want you girlfriend wondering if she is in the way of your connection with your true soul mate, as absurd as that may be to you. But there is another danger: maybe YOU will realize how cool the other woman is and start to ask yourself those ridiculous and absurd questions. It is just better to get along cordially and not swimmingly. Your life will be a lot easier. In fact, to drive this idea home, let us move to the next point.

Since it is bad enough to get along too well with her, DEFINITELY do not check her out too much. If you must, make certain that no one sees you do it (I suppose the object of your gaze could notice it; it might be flattering). If the others at the table notice it, you could offend the husband and send your wife spiraling into a subtle fit of insecurity that could result in slightly more overt competition. Speaking of which . . .

4
Do not compete for
Many couples consider double dating an event in the "cool Olympics." If the other couple hugs, you must hug more. If they laugh a lot, you must laugh more. Don't be this couple, even if the other couple is this couple. Before you know it, a nice night out has been sidetracked by a need to win. Also, if you are consistently so competitive, you may end up chasing couples away. The more you compete in double dates, the fewer double dates you will have.

5
Do not argue over the check
Yeah, every once in a while a couple will, voluntarily or involuntarily, stiff you on the bill. At least, they will give a little less than you think they owe. The thing is, whether your math is accurate or not, this is not the place to discuss it. Let it go until a different time (whoever is most acquainted with the couple could approach his or her counterpart about it). I find that it is best to just let it go. Perhaps it is a sign that you should not hang out with that couple. Perhaps the couple is having a hard time but wanted to hang out with you despite their unfortunate financial situation. Whatever it is, let it go.

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